I live on the West Coast; I relate more to the East Coast. I was raised in Europe and married a Midwesterner. I agree with you - of course I need a SHRINK! Half of the time I am not sure what HAT I am supposed to be wearing….
Sometimes I wish we all had a translator to understand the meaning of an action, message or even SILENCE. Culture and our environment play a big role in how people react and think. Working on being more aware of these subtleties is extremely helpful when trying to deepen relationships or just navigating a relationship at work for example. Try my Transactional Relationship Q & A next time you are struggling to make meaning of someone’s behavior.
WHY THIS MATTERS?
My first rule for any personal relationship is “is this a feel-good relationship and bringing me fulfillment? If the answer is no, I either build the right boundaries to keep myself sane around them or simply do not engage if I really do not need to.
Unfortunately, you cannot always just walk away, disengage, or even fully protect yourself with boundaries. A good example would be someone with poor leadership skills managing you! What you CAN do however is to begin to unravel their cultural makeup and how it is showing up in your transactions.
Understanding their bias will automatically help you get inside the ring with increased knowledge about their play and maybe avoid a few punches (ok sure, that sounds dramatic but hurt emotions are gut wrenching)!
Once you have answered these questions and had time to reflect, you can begin to assess what needs to change.
And take your time – write the answers down if needed because this is important. ONLY you have the answers.
Have you figured out their triggers or yours and can you make adjustments that will IMPROVE THE INTERACTIONS?
Remember the end goal is to reduce the negative and increase the positive feelings by understanding your own bias and learning theirs. That’s when you begin to maximize your interactions - the new awareness will make you more knowledgeable about what “makes them tick and keeps you from going ‘tick tock’!